while the eye trick is genuine - one eye looking inwards while the other looks straight ahead (though this is by no means the best example of the trick) - I photoshopped this picture quite a bit. I took the picture in a hurry and the lighting in this house is awful, so I ended up with a picture full of yellowish splotches that I had to edit. while I was at it, I figured it couldn't hurt to emphasize the eyeballs, though I realize those eyes now seem pretty scary. they're normally my best feature (I believe), but even with edits I think they look a bit cool with that unnaturally flat, bright quality surrounding the iris.

at the time, I was working for one of the larger employers in town as an office clerk, training in the various office departments so I could (ultimately) fill in anywhere for people off on sick days, holidays, etc. although I was working full-time during my training, I would be going to part-time/casual afterwards. on the day of the accident, I was scheduled for a 4-hour shift but my supervisor asked me if I could stay on for an extra four hours after all; since I hadn't taken a lunch with me, I had to go to a local restaurant to eat before starting the second four-hour shift.

at that time in my life, the boys were aged six and two. we had been living in a temporary home for 3 weeks & on February 10 we would be moving back into our usual home (long story short: the Dad & I had split up & I'd left with the boys; we just had to wait for him to find & move to a new place before we could go home again). it was in general a time of upheaval, so I suppose if any time was 'right' for something like this, it had to be then.

so I was walking back to work after my lunch. the roads were mostly bare, but had icey patches on them & snow was piled up along the sides of the road. I was walking back on the left side of the road, facing traffic, and had stopped next to a driveway that had a particularly large mound of snow at its edge; I was deciding whether I should try to climb over, or wait for a break in the traffic to go out onto the road & around the pile. just when I *might* have been able to go around, I heard a strangely loud noise of tires crunching on gravel or something, and turned my head to look over my right shoulder. what I saw was a bit shocking: a pickup truck sliding sideways across the line in the middle of the road, right towards me. there was a young man at the wheel, and I could see his face contorted in horror at his predicament.

apparently, according to an eye-witness who was coming up behind that truck, there was only about 2 or 3 seconds between when I looked at the truck & when it hit me. I remember the time in a stretched-out length of odd calm & questioning. I remember wondering if I should run, or jump. I seem to recall willing my foot to lift so I could jump. the last thought I remember was something along the lines of, 'well it's going to hit me... it's up to you now, God... take care of my boys if I don't make it.' I remember consciously relaxing my muscles so I might hopefully minimize the trauma to them (I'd heard it was best to do that in an accident situation). it's hard to believe that all this went through my mind in 3 seconds or less, that I was so conscious of what was happening & what I should maybe do about it, and wasn't panicing more. I guess one just accepts what's happening, when it's so very imminent. the 'whys' of the situation just don't occur until later.

the next thing I knew, I was hearing someone calling to me. I tried to look left... no luck, couldn't see anything. tried to look right... again, couldn't see anything. looked straight ahead & saw a small circle of light, which a moment later suddenly & violently snapped out into a full-on view of a face. I don't remember now whether it was a man or a woman I was looking at just then. I couldn't really feel my body just then, other than knowing there was a very large, heavy mass attached to my head.

I remember snatches of what was going on around me; I heard someone ask about the driver of the truck & someone else say he was sitting in the yard behind us, not far from the truck, a couple of injuries but seemed conscious & okay. I couldn't move my head & someone told me they were holding it - I looked up & saw the man who'd spoken, looking over me. there was a lovely lady - Jackie, if I recall correctly - holding my left hand and telling me I'd be alright. at one point she seemed to read my mind just as I was thinking I was lying in a pool of my own blood (or maybe I spoke without realizing?) & told me that I was laying in a puddle of ice water & we just had to wait for the ambulance & paramedics to get me out of it. a lady walked up - I recognized her vaguely from around town... I think she was the mother of one of my oldest son's classmates. she asked if there was anything she could do to help & they told her if she had any blankets in her truck to bring them over. I asked someone to notify my mother, who was watching my kids, about the accident. I also asked this lady to tell my work that I wasn't going to be able to make it back that day. strangely enough, she told them *exactly* that. I said it in a rather flippant & jokingly manner, but I figured she'd translate for them. as I heard from a co-worker later, though, they were so confused about the situation that they sent someone out to the accident site to see specifically what had happened.

anyway, the ambulance finally got there & the paramedics asked me all sorts of annoying questions - annoying because I was freezing & starting to feel my body, and I just wanted them to get me out of there! eventually they got me into the ambulance, and I got to see the driver of the pickup truck close up. he was 16, and until they got me into the ambulance with him he wasn't even aware that he'd hit anyone. we finally were off to the hospital & tons of x-rays, etc. they were talking about sending me home until they found the injury beneath that scar... my humerous had been broken off & shoved up the side of my neck by the impact of landing (I believe), so they prepared instead to send me to a hospital in a nearby town for surgery. I ended up there for 7 days total, and while I was there they discovered a few more injuries. over the following 2-1/2 years of rehab, other breaks were found too; apparently, the swelling of soft tissue had disguised these breaks in the initial x-rays.

as far as the accident goes, the police officer at the scene deduced that the truck was travelling 90 to 100 km/hr when it hit me, and that speeding in the first place was what caused the kid to lose control when he hit the icey spot on the road. I think what happened was that the left-rear quarter-panel of the truck hit me broad-side & sent me up, up & away (lucky it wasn't head on - I'd be road jam, the officer said). I flew about 50 feet into the air - the eye witness said I did 2-1/2 somersaults & he thought I'd be a goner when I landed - & about 25 feet down the side of the road. I think the impact of hitting me forced the rear of the truck to slide the other way, and then it broad-sided a huge tree standing on the opposite side of the driveway from where I'd been when I got hit. that tree is still there, complete with scar from the impact. the truck died that day, though.

it's very odd what an impact like that will do; it blew me right out of my left boot, split the seam on the end of my left sock, split my jeans & underwear down the back (very maddening - they were new at Christmas!), and blew my scrunchie right out of my hair. my jacket suffered very little injury - just a small snag on the back - and my purse survived intact but for a broken strap. strangely enough, my aunt's friend drove by & saw the people & ambulance & such; when he heard shortly afterwards that it was me involved & that I'd lost my boot, he went back & found it on the back of the tow truck & saved it for me :). I've still got those boots, actually. he (or someone) had saved my scrunchie for me too. oh, and my ring was ruined; the diamond from my engagement ring (which was soldered to my wedding ring) had been knocked out & the setting was crushed sideways. the Dad went back with the boys & looked for the diamond, actually, but they never found it. I thought that was sweet, but a little insane... trying to find one small, clear rock in the midst of a ton of snow, slush & dirt?? hehe, seems impossible. it may be obvious by now that I took the worst of it to my left side, though I did have a fracture in my right femur too (it was healed by the time it was found on an x-ray).

anyway, I won't write about all my injuries because that would make this entry about 5 times longer than it already is. suffice it to say it took me 2-1/2 years to go through the rehab, and the lasting after-affects are some arthritis & a bit of wisdom derived from a lot of soul-searching & self-questioning. I also have fibromyalgia, though since I was only diagnosed in 2004, I don't know if I can blame that on the after-effects of the accident in any way. I do have a spot on my forehead though, right where I figure I took a secondary-impact of landing, that has been sore like a bruise since 2004. there's no mark, nothing visible, but if you touch it I'll jump out of my skin. can't figure it out, even after blood tests & such. I imagine something will be figured out about that eventually.

1996 was, I figure, a year of upheaval & 'cleansing' (?) that definitely lasted a whole year for me & my family. I'd had a miscarriage in December of 1995, marriage broke up in January 1996, then the accident in February of 1996, and 3 surgeries that year, between February and October (accident-related). just when I figured it was safe to breathe a sigh of relief, my youngest son was diagnosed in November 1996 with diabetes, and it was back to the hospital for us - 10 days to learn how to manage his condition.

yeah, I'd say it was a definite relief to get past 1996, heh.